A key event on the wedding organisation calendar is the Wedding Expo. I would like to think myself as somewhat a veteran of these now, having been to not one but two expos. The day is long, severely outnumbered with the opposite gender and full of things you have never even thought about – who knew you had to send pre-wedding invitation invitations apparently called ‘save the date cards?’
In an attempt to prepare some of the other unsuspecting grooms-to-be out there for what is the inevitable I have prepared some survival tips and wedding expo observations.
• The positive attitude will always win and save accusations of being ‘uninterested’! Being in the minority don’t fall for the conversation starter (used by every exhibitor) ‘Ah I see you have been dragged along, I have only seen a few men here today’. The safe reply to that is “It’s a wedding, it is a special day for two and its important to be involved in making decisions, it only happens once! Admittance that looking at dresses and flowers was not your choice of weekend entertainment may lead to some sticky conversations later.
• Out numbered – the imploding doom - crowds of girls obsessing over each and every thing and conspiring a way to make her day ‘the best’. In a past life you would have been jumping at the chance to be surrounded by that many females, its just that ring on the finger has kind of changed all that. It’s still a privilege to be one of the few males there -it really means that your opinion does count (or her best-friend was busy that day).
• Call in a wingman, it doesn’t matter if youre Maverick calling Goose, it is great to have their perspective and be able to converse about other things that aren’t pink, frilly, tiered, covered in glitter etc (in fact maybe there should be a bucks party expo where you can try the venues???). Just make sure A) your Goose is also spoken for - might not go down too well if he is using it as a chance to find his own bride-to-be and B) your own bride-to-be thinks that turning it into a ‘double date’ was her idea.
• Brochure collecting - You will end up as the carrier of a whole lot of brochures. It may sound scarily organised but actually write on the top of each one a quick reason of why you picked that up (or was handed it) and what was at the stall that grabbed your attention. It will save the conversation later that starts with her saying “You know! That one where…” It is obviously important to your bride-to-be and your memory is not good at the best of times.
• The way to a Man’s heart is through his stomach??? Ok by the third makeup demonstration, the second fashion parade and the fifth or sixth visit back to the one stall it may be time to find some food to eat (this is also a tip for the brides to be, it will keep him more focused on the task at hand. It also makes the day more bearable when you’re not hearing every five minutes about the looming hypoglycaemic attack because he hasn’t eaten). Let’s face it the free samples, while a highlight, don’t quite constitute ample nutrition and no matter how many different times you walk past, stall-holders do recognise you as a repeat sample offender.
• The pop quiz, always be on the watch-out for impromptu questions from your bride-to-be, that require more than a yes or no. The solution is in the first 5 minutes man-browse as many stores as you can, take note, and when asked ‘do you like this paper for stationary’ you reply,” the stall ‘insert location’ had a great example and I didn’t think that was exactly what you were after.” At least sounding like you know what the hell she is talking about is always a win!
• Patience is not only a card game that you played to burn time before Facebook, but the savour of all things wedding expo. The repetitive nature of seeing one photographer after another, place settings, pieces of folded card, theme ideas etc. may lead some to frustration. Falling victim has unfavourable options when you get home - being in the dog-house aka sleeping on the couch, highly likely. In the wise words of my eleven year-old future brother-in-law “I guess wedding expos are a bit like a bike race, be patient, hang-on and try to enjoy the ride.”
At the end of the day take a sigh of relief that you survived and let’s face it. It wasn’t “THAT” bad. The week-long whinging and whining was more about saving face (admitting you actually don’t mind this stuff is an injustice to men globally) than not actually wanting to go. And having achieved that feat should definitely give you remote control rights for the night. Bonus.
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