The inevitable happened. Jess got her hands on Wedding Magazine thanks to a well meaning friend. Of course she persuaded me to ‘take a look’ and to my surprise there was an article in it that caught my attention. An article, aimed at blokes, on romance that appeared to be set in the dirty room at one of the mines near the gulf. If you’re thinking what I was, it seems a rather unlikely pair. In fact, mining communities are probably more testosterone packed than an NRL footy trip or Floyd Landis Le Tour win. You see, men aren’t often associated with romance and in my experience getting changed after being underground for hours is as far removed from the concept of romance as possible.
The article went on to discuss why guys ‘don’t get’ the romance thing. It got me thinking about what is it to be romantic? And when I thought about it, my own experiences of romance are not so much about being extraverted and over-the-top gooey, nor being text book cliché, but something that is a shared experience between two people. It can be about a perfect location, the right words, a gift or just the company of the other person. For what its worth some may even be able to envisage a romantic scenario in mine locker rooms. Not I.
Romance is often about the unexpected. It happens during an instant of spontaneity. One of my favourite memories is one year Jess and I had gone for a drive after I had been working down on the west coast, when we were offered free tickets to the Falls Music Festival. No appropriate clothes, only the gear we had in the back of my far-from-comfortable uni car and we were on the way. Wearing matching orange and yellow reflector outfits care of my mining supplies we saw in New years eve listening to “I’ve seen better days” Pete Murray in the rain. Planned? No. Glamorous? Certainly not. Romantic? Definitely.
Not to say romance can’t be planned. Planning a romantic occasion is wonderful, and is always in theory a lot more relaxing having everything organised, but rarely does it affect the person in the way you anticipate. I guess it is because it is pretty hard to plan and anticipate feeling and emotion or frankly sometimes things just don’t work out. Take for example our first anniversary. I had taken Jess away to a little cabin tucked away in the bush and planned a romantic dinner with my mother to deliver a meal. Lets just say my mum’s curried scallops that night left a bit to be desired. Romance Killed. Although a walk the next day found a pair of platypi frolicking in the creek which was certainly the highlight of the weekend. Romance semi-saved.
Essentially romance is about expressing the importance of your relationship to the other person. Showing them that you do notice the special things they do for you, demonstrating that you know notices things about them that nobody else does and letting them know just what they mean to you. Everyone has their own way of doing this. Our first valentines day I restored an old violin that Jess loved and placed it on her bed with rose petals and gifts…. …, our last valentines, a night in Sydney, a lunch that didn’t go well and Jessica not speaking to me all afternoon (She isn’t keen on big surprises!), to the following day a ring…. gotcha!!!! ….. Success on both occasions because in that moment I was showing Jess just how much I love her in my own way.
Romance is special. But my article argues that guys either have it or they don’t. Some guys aren’t romantic? I disagree, each to their own and it is just all about a special time and those little things that make you feel connected to that special someone. Even us guys are capable finding something special about the lady in our lives and doing something to show her what that means to us – even if it is in our own way! Romance takes an understanding from both parties of what the other one appreciates and that, in itself, shows the power of the relationship. Romance can be about making the effort to do something for the other person or just making the most of those moments that just ‘pop up’. Romance will be different for everyone – even within a relationship but it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Take notice and appreciate the little things your partner may do like cooking, waking you up in the morning saying ‘I love you’, pairing your socks and picking up after you. Say thank you; buy flowers, surprise them with a cup cake! Cook them tea! Cliché? Or a gesture of I love you and thank you. The little extra effort that keeps the spark in the relationship and the romance alive.
Let’s get romancing boys!!!
P.S I just had to edit in the bit about the cupcake because Cameron brought me this before he finished reading the article! Awww how romantic! Love Love Love J x
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